those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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