Pants 0. Shit 1.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have fence marks all over my body
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
