he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
