He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
