sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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