alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
