that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
