I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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