that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
