Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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