Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
