She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
