About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
