whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
