my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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