mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
