summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
