saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
