to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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