The maid of honor just puked.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
