He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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