If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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