I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
high people should be assigned attendants
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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