she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
