I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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