i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
