I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
