I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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