thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
