i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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