I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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