I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
