I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
