guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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