he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
