it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
