So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
