trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
