So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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