So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
