Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I came so hard my ears popped.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
