i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
