After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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