As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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