This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
