It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just google imaged poop.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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