Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
