He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
