i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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