Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
