party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
