Dude my mom stole all your condoms
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
